But I had a water polo game at 5:30pm. So, what to do?
Last year our swim coach, the very motivational Justin Finney, spoke a phrase to us that has rested in the forefront of my mind ever since. He said, "Losers show up just to say they were there." We had a strenuous swim set in front of us, and he wanted us to understand that we could get through it or we could give it our all. What was our mentality going to be? If we were only showing up to get through it, it was better for us to go home. Don't show up just to say you were there.
So, yesterday I was sitting in my apartment asking myself why I was even going to go to my game? I would only be getting through the experience, which is such an ugly way to live life. So, why show up, Rosie? Be true to your loser state of mind and stay home.
And then I remembered I was captain of my team and probably felt a little pressure to be awesome, so I went to the pool, still feeling soupy.
It was probably about the second quarter of our game when it all changed. The combination of a few nice shots I had, a few sweet shots by my teammate who was down about her shooting that morning and the best player of the other team getting kicked out of the game for talking back to the ref that made it all...fun! My mood switched, and I was present again.
What would have happened if I stayed home and sulked? A gradual mood change, yes, but perhaps a lack of confidence in my ability to be mentally tough?
What I realized yesterday is that sometimes showing up is enough. I remembered that having faith in something greater than myself leaves a little room for...drum roll, please...grace! If this story of life on earth was centered on me, and I was completely in control of how every star aligned, then there is that pressure to be absolutely perfect and present all the time. But when I believe in a God that does extraordinary things with ordinary people and creates beauty out of mess, it changes the way I view 'showing up'.
My friend Don explains it by saying that we are trees in a story about the forest. And the story about the forest is better than the story of the tree. I matter,--I am a pretty, lil' tree, folks!--but I am not the center of the universe, with all things resting on whether or not I can manage to have the best attitude in all moments. I am human, I am flawed. I will do what is needed to continually refresh my perspective; however, on days that I can't quite pull it together, I can still show up. And you never know when something greater than you is at work, willing to magically pull you out of a melancholy state of mind that is rocking your entire world and causing you to reconsider all of your motivations and beliefs about yourself and life.