Facebook is cool because it helps me reconnect with old friends, stay linked to my pals around the world and sing you songs via Rosanna Sings To Me On Facebook!!! When people start hating on Facebook, I have to say that I am one of those people that sticks up for it.
BUT!
But.
Facebook can be really lame because it allows us to tell the world lies about who we are and what's going on, and they'll believe it if we add the right amount of exclamation marks to our status updates. We can conceal and reveal at our own discretion, creating an image of how we'd like to be perceived.
For example, last week I was in San Diego for a serious water polo tournament and posted to my status after a victory: "11-9 win over Hungary! China today." However, when we lost to China and continued to lose every game thereafter, I kept completely quiet and didn't let any of you know that we came...last place.
The truth is, I'll show you the parts of my life that I want to reveal. But I won't tell you my real struggles or weaknesses.
And so when I sometimes catch myself looking at other people's pictures or status updates and secretly wishing I could be them, there is a chance it's because Facebook only presents an edited, romanticized version of life. You and I both experience day-to-day crap that we don't tell each other about on Facebook. And that's why really knowing people is a much better indication of the quality of their life.
It's hard to focus on our goals and aspirations when we are distracted by what we're not doing, by what other people are doing, and by what other people are apparently doing according to their Facebook caricatures.
So, I just want to encourage us to not make this wonderful, cyber world too real and influential, as helpful and entertaining as it may be.
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5 comments:
I don't know why I didn't find your blog on here earlier, considering we've been facebook friends for years now... after myspace ended up being a dud... or maybe I did find it previously and just rediscovered it?
Anyway, thanks for writing this. Thanks for opening a tiny window into your soul and for saying it like it is. The world needs more people like you, who aren't afraid to be honest (even if it's being honest about choosing how we tend to pick and choose how we reveal ourselves to the world).
I think it all stems from an innate desire to be loved and an innate fear that we won't be accepted as we are. It's like we feel that unless we present the best version of ourselves to the world, we won't be deserving of love. We all desire to be loved and we all desire to love, but we don't want to let people see our stuff and we don't want to deal with other people's stuff. It's so backwards, but it's not like it's an impossibility.
After all, there is safety in keeping our guards up, but if people love us only for how we present ourselves to them, is that really being loved? It's not like we can be transparent with every person we meet! ...but there are the few - those who we let us be vulnerable in front of them, those who do not judge us by our failures, but love us because of the same - love because of our humanness - the good and the bad, everything about us. These people are the gems in our lives, and we must never take them for granted (and to those whom we have the honor of being gems, to continue being that person who loves without condition).
sorry for run-ons and such...it's more of a conversational comment than a literary work.
N
Nathanael makes a lot of sense. Facebook is not the place to say you are cheating on your husband if you are. Imagine how hurtful that would be?
It seems to me exactly the place to talk about your pedicure. You keep it real with real people, not virtual communities.
I left facebook and lost track of a lot of acquaintances and some lurkers (ick!)but not a single friend. My life is richer to be gone from there.
In a real sense you share rejoicing with the world, but your sorrow with the people that love you. That is what they are there for.
To think that you owe the public your soul is in a sense to cheapen relationship, not make it more real; giving your fb *friends* a false sense that they know you and maybe even worse, a false sense that they love you.
Every man has some reminiscences which he would not tell to everyone, but only to his friends. He has others which he would not reveal even to his friends, but only to himself, and that in secret. But finally there are still others which a man is even afraid to tell himself, and every decent man has a considerable number of such things stored away. That is, one can even say that the more decent he is, the greater the number of such things in his mind. - fyodor dostoevsky
Nat and Steph: thanks for your ideas!
Nat, I guess Facebook makes us 'loved' for what we do, or at least appear to do... but not for who we really are. 'Cause it's hard to actually show that. So, then it's a problem because we are actually looking to be loved for who we are.
Steph, it's so true that it's even more ridiculous when we tell the world our problems via Facebook. And ya, to talk of an affair via a status would be sad. But, the woman who is having an affair... I mean, I hope she figures stuff out and still gets pedicures and still tells us about them. I guess. But, for us who go onto people's pages and make a page reality, we have to be careful. We want her to tell us about her pedicure rather than her affair, so what we're saying is that we only want the shallow stuff. But we make the mistake of allowing the shallow stuff to become real in our minds.
Sometimes I really want to delete FB. As soon as I turn on my Mac, I go on. I don't spend hours on or even spend much time stalking people, but I do feel a sense of ick about my interaction with it all.
But then it's so good in terms of allowing people to connect to my music and the cool things I may be doing with my life. I think I can inspire. Perhaps?
I might be babbling
Hi love,
you are not babbling at all. I hope that you don't think that I am in anyway telling anyone to get off facebook. I am not.
I think what is important is to understand why you are there what is your purpose.
Your purpose seems reasonable to me and i think if I were in your shoes I might still be on it. Maybe.
I am not certain how meaningfully inspirational it is, because of the reasons you have already elegantly stated in your posting.
Hi Rosa,
Facebook should be about "keeping in touch with yr friends all over the world" especially for those who travel a lot as you do. Also you are an artist, so Facebook is an easy tool to promote your work. Showing your "real face" that depends on WHO you have in your circle of friends. If they are fans of Rosa the athlete or Rosa the musician, then it wouldn't be worth it. If on the other hand it's family and "real life" friends, then if it's in your character, then you can. I have a lot of friends who write very sad things in their status. or unveil their true feeling with videos or poetry they read somewhere.. Of course there will always be the superficial ones, the ones that only show the smiles and the victories. but that's not only on Facebook... I like your introspection, I shouldn't be surprised since you are Dave's good friend... hugs
Annelies
(Dave's mom)
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